I have been battling with Depression since 1983 after I became a pawn in my parents separation and divorce and ultimately, saw my family as I knew it, fall apart. Six months later, at the age of 18, I was contemplating suicide and planning on how I would make this happen. Luckily I found a small amount of hope back then which led me away from that darkness.
Although I was functioning normally to the outside world, inside I was falling apart. But I kept it together for near on 30 years, with the depression lurking in the shadows trying to drag me back down. From 2010 onwards I found myself becoming more distant and retracting from social events, friends and family. Until 2016, when I fell to my lowest point in many, many years.
This was brought on by an accumulation of things that happened in my personal life, mostly due to ongoing stress and anxiety within my family unit. The thoughts of suicide returned and I became an emotional wreck, unable to work, eat, sleep or talk. I wanted it all to end and to end me too.
I tried several times to connect with people I trusted, however my internal pain was overbearing and I had difficulty getting some words out.
My good friend and Co Pilot Stew came over to see me after I put in a desperation call, he found me curled up on my bedroom floor, sobbing. Stews understanding and simplistic approach to life helped me to find a road to recovery.
Soon after my wife took me to hospital and after an assessment I was quickly transferred to Chisholm Ross Centre in Goulburn, where I spent 5 days under close watch of nursing staff and Phsycologists.
I consider myself lucky (again) and I think I am back to my normal, pre depression, self. A lifestyle change, support from family and friends, ongoing medication and beyondblue has enabled me to return to work and enjoy life again.